


Shit Show for Beginners

by Hecate



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Therapy, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-08 22:26:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11655972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hecate/pseuds/Hecate
Summary: Survival is a shit show.





	Shit Show for Beginners

**Author's Note:**

  * For [telm_393](https://archiveofourown.org/users/telm_393/gifts).



You go to therapy because it's either that or going to work. And you can't go to work.

***

The group calls itself _Ghostsurvivors_ , a dumb reference to the Ghostbusters. You instantly hate it.

But it meets close to your apartment and you don't want to spend much time in buses and trains and streets, you don't want to be in so many places that could be filled with ghosts. So you meet with the group, and you force yourself to stay still and silent whenever a new person is introduced to the name.

“Because we survived,” they tell new people. “Because we're still there.”

Survival, no one ever adds, is a shit show.

***

He catches your eyes much later than everybody else's, you're too caught up in staring out of the window and into the world. But the whispers around you grow in size and sound, and when you finally look at him, you understand.

He is beautiful.

His name is Kevin, he tells you, tells the group, and he was possessed by a ghost. Even with everything you and the others went through, this silences the room. “I didn't know that was possible,” you finally say. Next to you, the woman who sometimes doesn't notice when she talks to herself pulls her cardigan tighter around herself. She is very thin. You only notice that now.

Kevin shrugs.

***

The night after Kevin joined the group, you dream about Gertrude. It's no surprise. You dream about Gertrude all the time.

You're running again, just like you do every night, and she is chasing you. You're at the Aldrige Mansion but the hallways are new and strange. There are miles of them, identical promises of escape that never deliver, and they all lead into the basement.

You almost always end up in basements in your dreams.

She finds you, just like she usually does, and she runs through you with cold and fire and loneliness. This time, though, this time she doesn't leave.

You wake up screaming.

***

Kevin isn't at the next meeting. You feel strangely relieved.

***

You see him on TV in the evening, a smiling figure standing behind Abby Yates, her scowl and disregard almost shocking in its contrast. He follows her into the building after the interview, waving to the cameras before he closes the door behind himself.

It takes you a moment to understand that he's working with her, for her. What you can't understand is that he still does so after the ghost took his body.

You tell yourself not to think about your own job.

***

Kevin apologizes for his absence at the next meeting, tells the group that he was busy. Offers tickets for his theatre show to make up for it. Everybody stares at him.

“You don't have to apologize for not coming,” you finally offer because no one else seems willing to say anything.

He shrugs. Smiles.

You take a ticket.

The play turns out to be horrible, Kevin's acting just as abysmal as everyone else's. It makes you grin.

***

He walks with you after the next meeting, sits with you in your usual restaurant without asking if he was welcome. He asks you about the play instead. You lie. He doesn't seem to notice, only smiles and talks and covers his face when the group at the table next to yours gets noisy. You almost tell him that he's pretty.

He pays for your dinner. 

You think about all the days at work you're missing and the dwindling numbers of your bank account. You smile and thank him.

***

“He was a dick,” Kevin tells the group. He means the ghost, his ghost, and you know enough about the way Kevin speaks to guess the truth beneath the statement.

The ghost was evil. 

You try not to think about what that meant, what it felt like. Being a puppet, and all the strings in the wrong hands. You shudder.

“But we took care of him,” Kevin says, grinning proudly.

No one points out that Kevin probably had nothing to do with the ghost's defeat. He wouldn't understand.

***

Kevin comes along to dinner again, tells you what the Ghostbusters are currently working on. You're not sure he is supposed to speak about it but you don't stop him. His words are preferable to silence or the ghost stories that are rehashed at every meeting with the others.

You're so damn tired of ghosts.

***

Your boss calls you.

You ignore the phone and you think about all the calls you haven't answered. You might not have a job to go back to.

You think of the mansion and you tell yourself that you don't mind.

***

Kevin makes you laugh.

You're not quite used to that anymore.

***

He introduces you to Abby Yates. He sounds happy when he does it; he sounds like a child showing someone his new favorite toy.

She gives you a long, hard look. “I know you.”

You smile your tourist-guide smile, well-practised and not forgotten yet.

“You threw a key at me and told me I would die.” She doesn't sound impressed.

You shrug. “I thought you would.”

“And yet, you let us walk into the mansion.”

“I didn't think you wanted to be stopped.”

A snort, a small smile. She looks away from you then, looks at Kevin. “Take care that you don't mess him around.”

You turn to him and his big smile. And you nod.

***

“Abby said you work at a mansion,” Kevin says days later.

You met him away from the group and the gatherings for once. It's a strange feeling, exciting almost. You think of Abby's parting words and you think of all the dinners Kevin paid for. You know what this is even though it usually takes a different shape and form, even though there were no invitations and no questions. You wonder if things always went like this for Kevin or if the ghost changed him in some way, took away all the rules and norms. It worries you. You like this Kevin.

You finally nod, then shrug. “I used to. I haven't been at work for a while.”

“Because of the ghost?” he asks.

“Because of the ghost,” you repeat.

“But Abby said it's gone.”

“From the mansion, yes,” you say. “Not from my mind, though.”

Kevin frowns. “Like Rowan,” he finally says. “It feels like he is still there sometimes.”

You stare at him.

“Abby says he isn't,” Kevin hurries to say. “Holtzmann checked.”

You try to smile.

So does he.

***

You dream of Kevin.

He kisses you, and it's perfect. It's warm and grounding and new.

He kisses you, and then he isn't Kevin anymore.

You wake yourself up with your screaming.

***

In the days after your dream, you avoid him.

You don't go to the meetings and when you go, you leave in a hurry. He tries to follow you but you know him well enough to evade him.

It's a dumb thing to do and you half expect Abby to find you to curse you out. You ready your explanations and appeasements, you put together your reasons. They're all faulty, they're all flawed, and you despise yourself for your behaviour.

Kevin deserves better. And so do you.

When he still smiles at you at the next meeting, you force yourself to smile back.

Later, on the way to your favorite restaurant, you stop to kiss him. He tastes like the Gummi Bears he ate during the meeting, artificially sweet. You hate that taste.

But it's nothing like your dream, so you kiss him again.

And again.

***

“I used to like my job,” you tell the group. 'I used to like the mansion and the stories and even the Gertrude myth,' you don't add. You don't like to think about that. “I'm guess I don't have it anymore.”

“Did you talk with your boss?” a woman asks.

You shake your head.

“You should,” she goes on. “You could explain.”

You laugh.

“Don't,” she says. “Just because we're all fucked up now doesn't mean we don't deserve...” she stops there, breathes. “That we don't deserve our life back.”

The rest of the group mumbles their agreement.

At dinner, Kevin reaches out and takes your hand. You interweave your fingers with his. 

“I could come with you. To the mansion,” he says.

You raise an eyebrow at him.

“I'm a Ghostbuster. I could protect you.”

He isn't and he probably couldn't. 

But you smile and you don't let go of his hand.


End file.
